


Home Is Where the Heart Is

by cypress_sleeping



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aromantic Asexual Pidge | Katie Holt, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Family, Friendship, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Hurt/Comfort, Male Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Season 7 Spoilers, Trans Male Pidge | Katie Holt, Transphobia, brief mention of adam because HES NOT DEAD, he really loves his friends, lance gives the best advice, only briefly mentioned as he hasn't quite figured it out yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 16:44:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15711234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cypress_sleeping/pseuds/cypress_sleeping
Summary: “But if she doesn’t end up accepting you,” Lance spat. “Then she’s not worth it. You have your brother, your father, and you have us. We’re your family and we’ll accept you no matter what happens. If she’s so close-minded that she can’t accept her own child then the best you can do is keep yourself away from her. She’s not family if she doesn’t love you. Whatever happens, we’ll be here.Welove you, Pidge.We’reyour family. ”





	Home Is Where the Heart Is

**Author's Note:**

> hey!! i'm back with another voltron fic it seems!
> 
> this one was requested by someone in a voltron discord i'm in. it's about trans ftm pidge coming out to his family. i've personally never headcanoned pidge as a trans boy, but it was really interesting to write (considering i'm ftm myself). i hope you enjoy reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it!
> 
> trigger warning: there is some transphobia in here so be careful.

_Beep._

Soft sheets. He buries himself within the blankets.

_Beep._

The smell of disinfectant. His nose crinkles in disgust.

_Beep._

The quiet beat of his heart. The quiet beep of the monitor.

_Beep._

His eyes flutter open.

Curious brown eyes poked out from under white hospital sheets. A quick scan of the room proved that the owner of said eyes was alone. He let out a sigh of relief and sat up. A few sneaky sunrays poked through the hospital curtains. He could see the little bits of dust floating aimlessly around the room. The serenity of the moment was slightly off-putting to the boy. He honestly expected something horrible to happen any minute. He let out another sigh. This calmness was going to take some getting used to.

His head snapped towards the door as it cracked open slightly. Immediately he was on edge.

“Hey, Pidgey.”

The tension left his body and he instantly relaxed.

“Hey, Matt.”

Pidge had been in the hospital for a few days now. The staff had kept all of the paladins under observation in case there were any other problems (physically or mentally) that needed to be fixed. Being confined in his room had slowly been driving him crazy. He wanted to get out and see his friends; see if they were doing okay and not just hearing about it. He wanted to hold them and cry with them. He wanted to meet their families.

Family.

Pidge scooted over as Matt laid down next to him. For a while, they laid there in comfortable silence. The steady beep of the heart monitor was the only sound in the room. It was calm. It was quiet. It was driving Pidge insane.

“Matt,” he started, “how’re the others?”

Matt smiled. “They’re doing fine,” he answered. “Keith’s head is getting better and Shiro said he’s starting to feel better too. Lance is just happy to be back with his family and he’s doing fine. Hunk is doing wonderfully and he’s really happy to be back together with Shay. Allura, Coran, and Romelle are all up to their own shenanigans. You know they’ve all been asking about you too, right?”

Pidge sighed as his brother finished the little debriefing. “I wish I could see them.”

His brother’s smile slowly morphed into one of comfort. “You will soon.”

Silence returned to the room.

Quite suddenly, a thought invaded his mind out of nowhere. This silence only gave him time to think and he was indeed thinking. His attention was abruptly brought to his chest. He wasn’t wearing his binder. Had it been removed after they’d been taken from the lions? Where did they put it? Was it gone? When would he be getting it back? Would he ever get it back? Was he-

A firm hand on his shoulder brought him back to the present. “Hey, are you okay?”

He stared into his brother’s eyes. Concern was evident in his brown orbs. Pidge knew he could tell his brother absolutely anything and he’d be supportive. Would he be supportive of this though? Taking a deep breath, he made a decision.

“I have to tell you something.”

Matt’s expression turned into a serious one. He sat up and faced Pidge; focusing completely on his little brother. “You know you can tell me anything.” Wringing his hands nervously, Pidge cautiously breached the subject.

“Do you remember when I was ten-years-old and cried because I had to wear a dress?” The words tumbled quickly out of his mouth as he stared at Matt expectantly.

“...Yes?” Matt uttered slowly. A look of confusion passed over his face.

“Or that time when I cried because Mom wouldn’t let me get that toy car? Or that time when Iverson told Dad I was a ‘sweet little girl’ and then I punched him in the crotch? Or when-”

“Pidge, I get it,” Matt interrupted. “What are you trying to tell me?”

Pidge took a deep breath. Everything could change right here with these words. Their relationship could be torn apart. Maybe he’d just want his “sister” back. He closed his eyes and the words came out of his mouth.

“I’m a boy.”

Matt blinked.

The words didn’t seem to stop there. “I’m a guy. Not a girl. You have to understand that it’s been like this for as long as I can remember! It's not my fault this is just who I am and-”

Warm, comforting arms wrapped around his body and suddenly the tears began to fall.

He had wanted to tell his family for his whole life. The fact that he had to keep it hidden suffocated him every day on Earth. When he had heard that Matt and his dad were “dead” he had holed himself up in his room for days. The thought that he’d never be able to tell them made his heart ache. Now here he was, Matt’s arms around him in acceptance.

“Pidge,” Matt murmured. “I’m sorry if you’ve ever thought otherwise, but I’ll love you no matter what.” Matt pulled back and smiled brightly at Pidge. He brought his hand up to wipe away the tears. “Because you’re my little brother.”

A sob of relief forced its way out of his throat.

Pidge launched himself back into his brother’s arms. He quietly mumbled his thanks as the sobs kept coming. The pure and utter relief that he felt in this moment was so comforting. Matt had accepted him. He had called him his little brother. Everything was going to be okay. As long as his brother had his back he honestly felt like he could do anything.

They pulled away from each other and wiped their own tears away. The two brothers simply returned to their comfortable silence; basking in the moment. 

“Pidgey?”

“Yeah, Matt?”

A look of concern passed over his older brother’s face. Pidge’s own brows furrowed in confusion. What was he going to say?

“Are you going to tell Mom and Dad?”

A sudden weight dropped in his stomach. He’d forgotten all about telling his parents. He didn’t know if they would be as accepting as Matt and, judging by the expression on Matt’s face, he didn’t know either. Pidge swallowed nervously.

“Even if they don’t accept me,” Pidge started. “I can’t keep it hidden any longer.”

“I’m gonna tell them.”

\-------

A few days passed before Pidge had the opportunity to talk to his parents. It was enough time for all of his anxiety to build up. Now he wasn’t so sure telling them was a good idea. What if they completely rejected him? What if they disowned him? Sure, he could just bunk with the other paladins or return to his lion, but he’d lose his parents. He loved his family more than anything and he wasn’t ready to be cast out.

He was so deep in his thoughts that he didn’t hear the door sliding open.

“Katie?”

Pidge flinched at the sudden noise. Turning his head he found his mom and dad standing in the doorway. His throat went dry. They were here and now he had no excuse not to tell them. He could only hope they’d accept him as he is.

His father pulled a chair close to his bed and sat down. “I heard they’re letting you walk around the hospital now,” he mentioned. Pidge wasn’t quite paying attention. His mind was wondering how he was going to bring up this conversation. It would feel too unnatural coming out of nowhere, right? Maybe he could ease into it somehow. Maybe he-

A hand waving in front of his face brought him out of his stupor.

“Katie?” his father questioned. He gently tapped on Pidge’s forehead. “We’re out here not in there.” 

He grimaced slightly at the use of his deadname. After being in space for so long with people who had used his name from the start, it was weird hearing anything else. “Please don’t call me that.”

He slapped his hands over his mouth.

The words had slipped out of his mouth on their own accord. Sam stared at him quizzically; his mother had stopped tidying the room. An awkward silence coated the room. Pidge tried to form words to explain himself. “I-I...um I meant…”

His father was the first to speak up. “Don’t call you ‘Katie,’ you mean?”

His mother came up to his bedside and ruffled his hair. “How about ‘The Green Paladin’ then? Should we be formal?” The innocent smile on her face showed that she didn’t think anything of his little slip-up. Pidge wondered if he had to tell them after all.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Katie?” his father asked.

He had to tell them.

“I need to tell you something.”

His mother dropped the smile and adopted a face of worry. Sitting down at his bedside she put a hand on his shoulder. “What is it, sweetie?” Pidge looked from his mother to his father. Both of their faces held nothing but worry for their child. He took a deep breath. They’d accept him, he knew they would. They loved him and he knew that. Just because he was their son now wouldn’t make any difference, would it?

“Do you...do you know what LGBTQ means?”

His parents’ eyes widened slightly and Pidge shrank back a little.

“Yes, we do know what that means,” his father uttered slowly. He seemed to pause and think something over in his mind. Sam gave his wife a look and turned his attention back to Pidge. “Sweetie, are you...are you gay?”

Pidge blushed a bright red.

That was a whole different topic to explore. Pidge wasn’t exactly sure if he liked anyone to be honest. He wasn’t quite sure yet, but that wasn’t what he was trying to say here.

“I’m...I’m trans.”

Confusion quickly flitted over his parents’ faces and he was quick to explain.

“I-Its when someone doesn’t feel that the body they were born in fits their gender,” he explained. “Like I-I’m...I’m a boy, but that’s not what I was born as.” He watched his parents as they processed the information. He brought his knees closer to his body in nervousness.

His mother furrowed her brows. “I-I don’t understand.”

His father, however, grasped his son’s hands in his own. “We both may not quite understand what you’re going through,” he began. “But we’ll support you through anything.” His father flashed him a kind smile. “You’re our child regardless of who you are.”

The tears came back as Pidge flashed a bright smile. “I...thank you so much. You don’t even know how much I-”

“Wait a minute.”

The smile swiftly faded from his face.

Colleen seemed to be struggling to form words. “You...you’re a girl though. You’re our daughter, Katie,” she insisted. “You’ll be my little girl no matter what.”

Pidge blinked slowly.

The words she spoke he couldn’t understand. They were so different from what his father had said mere moments ago. He was at a loss for words. He had wondered if they wouldn’t be accepting but living it was an entirely different feeling. There was a gaping hole in his chest and he felt the world slipping out from underneath him. His father’s hand was the only thing keeping him here.

Pidge grasped it tighter.

“Colleen,” his father said, turning towards his wife. “What are you saying?”

She waved her hands in front of her. “I-I just,” she stammered, trying to come up with words to use. “I accept you, sweetie. I love you. I just...I just don’t accept this,” she gestured vaguely at her child.

Pidge blinked again.

Surely he didn’t hear that from her, right? He must’ve been mistaken. His mother would never say something like that, he thought. Distantly, he heard his father arguing with his mother. They were arguing because of him. Was this his fault? Slowly, he drifted away from reality. He didn't want to be here anymore so he simply shut his mind off. He retreated to his own world. He could feel his girl, his lion, consoling him; asking if he was alright. He drifted towards her comforting aura. Out of everyone, she was the one who accepted Pidge wholeheartedly. Her and the rest of his team.

He needed to leave.

Pidge launched himself out of his bed and out the door. He heard his father shouting behind him; asking him to return. Pidge kept running. Hall after hall kept passing. He ran until he couldn’t keep going. He collapsed against a hospital door. He was tired and completely out of breath with nowhere to go. Pidge couldn’t believe it. His own mother said that she would never accept him. His mother, who he was so happy to see after so long, had called him her daughter and said she could never accept him.

Before he could continue his line of thought, the door opened behind him. His back hit the ground and he looked up to see who opened the door.

“Pidge?”

Brown eyes met dark blue.

And then the tears came.

“Oh, Pidgey, come here.” Lance briskly scooped the green paladin off the floor and brought him over to the hospital bed. Reaching over to the side table, Lance picked up a glass of water. “Drink,” he ordered softly. Pidge gratefully took the glass into his shaking hands. Lance rubbed his back comfortingly as Pidge sipped his water. They simply remained like that for a while. Lance’s warm hand rubbing circles into Pidge’s back and Pidge leaning closer. Quietly, Pidge placed the water back on the night table.

“If you don’t mind talking about it,” Lance began. “What happened?”

Pidge struggled to speak. “I...my mom she...I just-” The tears in his eyes began spilling out again. The older teen swept Pidge into his arms and hugged him tightly. Pidge buried his head into Lance’s shoulder and cried. The sorrowful wails the green paladin let out echoed in the small hospital room. For what felt like forever, Pidge just cried. He cried until he ran out of tears. With no energy left to expend, he just laid in Lance’s arms. The blue paladin was still rubbing comforting circles into his back. Pulling away, he knew he was ready to speak.

“I...I told my family that I’m trans.”

Lance reached down to grab Pidge’s hands. Pidge gripped his friend’s hands tight and took a deep breath. “Matt was really accepting and I love him so much for it. He just straight up called me his brother after I told him. It...it was amazing.”

Lance smiled and nodded his head to show he was listening.

“Then today I told my parents and,” Pidge hiccuped. “My dad said I was his kid no matter what and he said he accepted me.” Pidge sniffled. “It made me so happy, you know? I had been worrying about it since before we became paladins and then all my fears vanished right there. Everything was coming together and then my mom,” Pidge let go of one of Lance’s hands to wipe his tears away. “My mom said that I was her ‘little girl’ no matter what and that she couldn’t accept me as a boy and-” Pidge brought a hand up to his mouth to catch the sobs coming out.

Lance wrapped his arms around Pidge and brought him close again. “It's alright, Pidgey. You can cry as much as you need to.” As Pidge cried Lance kept speaking. “I’m not gonna lie, Pidge, it won’t be easy,” he began. “I may not know exactly how you feel, but coming out to my family went similarly. I told them all that I was bi and while most of my family was accepting there was a lot of people that weren’t,” Lance sighed. “My dad being one of them.” He held Pidge tighter and continued. “It took a long time, but eventually my dad came around. He saw that I was distraught over him not accepting my existence and we just talked it out.”

“He said that he was scared because he didn’t quite understand. He was scared that maybe he did something wrong and that wasn't the case. It was new territory so he wasn’t sure what to do. He was scared, but he said he loved me so he would be willing to accept me no matter who I love.”

Lance began to rub circle’s in Pidge’s back again.

“I’m sure your mom really loves you, Pidge. She’s just confused and scared. This is something she’s never experienced before. It’s going to be hard for you and it’s going to be hard for her. It's a transition for you, but it's also a transition for her. It’ll get better and it’ll get easier and as time goes on she’ll understand it more and more. Because she loves you.”

“But if she doesn’t end up accepting you,” Lance spat. “Then she’s not worth it. You have your brother, your father, and you have us. We’re your family and we’ll accept you no matter what happens. If she’s so close-minded that she can’t accept her own child then the best you can do is keep yourself away from her. She’s not family if she doesn’t love you. Whatever happens, we’ll be here. _We_ love you, Pidge. _We’re_ your family. ”

Pidge pulled back to meet his friend’s dazzling blue eyes. He saw nothing but love there. He knew the rest of his friends, his family, felt exactly the same.

He hoped his mom felt the same too.

Pidge wiped away his remaining tears. “Lance, I-...thank you,” he pushed himself forward and gave Lance one last hug. Lance squeezed back just as hard. “Can I sleep here tonight?” Pidge mumbled. Numerous times the paladins had had sleepovers back in the castle. Saving the universe and being essential in resolving a war was really stressful. Finding comfort in each other was their only help in the depths of space.

“You already know the answer.”

Lance scooted over and Pidge laid down next to him. The blue paladin threw an arm around his shorter friend and Pidge moved closer. The rays of moonlight streaming through the curtains gave the room a blue tint. Pidge could imagine being in the blue lion. It was comforting, much like Lance. Lance, the boy who missed home so much, had a feeling of home himself. He was a solace, not only Pidge but to the whole team.

With Lance’s warmth next to him, Pidge fell asleep quickly.

He dreamt of family.

\-------

A few days passed and the paladins were released from the hospital. Shiro and Keith returned to Adam, Hunk went to be with his family and with Shay, the Altean crew was helping out at the Garrison, and Lance was going back home.

Lance had invited him to come along.

At first, Pidge was absolutely ready to accept the invitation. The thought of not having to face his mother was extremely appealing, but he knew it had to be done. When he told Lance this, he was nothing but accepting.

“Go ahead, Pidge,” he grinned. “We’ll be here if you need us.”

As Pidge stepped into his own home, he felt the heavy tension in the house. Everyone was there to welcome him, but his mother was distant. She remained behind Sam and Matt; choosing to stay out of all conversation. Even as the day ended, she had yet to talk to him. Pidge laid in his bed that night wondering if this was just how it was going to be.

Would his mom ever accept him?

He thought about Lance’s words from a few nights before. She could very well be as scared as he was. Maybe they were both lost and needed help finding their way back to the path. He felt his eyes watering. Pidge really did love his mother and he wanted her to love him as well. He wanted her to love him and not who she wanted him to be.

It would break his heart, but if she never accepted him he’d have to leave her behind. Pidge thought of his friends; of his brother and his dad. They all loved him for who he was. That was his family and all he wanted was for his mother to be a part of it.

The next morning he decided he was going to talk to her no matter what. Whether she accepted him or rejected him, it didn't matter. He’d rather be hated for who he is than loved for who he’s not.

He spoke that morning during breakfast.

“Mom, can I talk to you?”

His mother’s head snapped towards him at those words. Her eyes were wide in what appeared to be fear. Pidge’s father and Matt had stopped talking. Everything was silent.

Eventually, his mother nodded.

Sam and Matt excused themselves from the room. Pidge smiled as Matt gave him a look of understanding. As they left the room, Pidge turned back to his mother. She was fidgeting nervously and Pidge could tell she was just as anxious about this conversation as he was. He took a deep breath and sat down next to her at the dinner table.

“Sweetie, I-”

Pidge held up his hand and she stopped immediately. “Mom, can I talk first? Please?”

She nodded hesitantly.

Pidge took another deep breath and spoke. “Before I say anything else I want you to know that I really am a boy. _I am a guy._ That’s how it’s always been and that’s how it’s always going to be. This isn’t just a phase it’s who I actually am. If you don’t love me like this then you never loved me in the first place,” Pidge sighed. “But I know this is hard for you too. It’s new and confusing and that’s terrifying. I felt the same way when I first realized it. It’s scary to go through big changes, but if we can do it together I’m sure it’d be better for the both of us. I love you, Mom. I hope you love me too.”

His eyes hardened. “But if you can’t accept me for who I really am then I don’t need you in my life. I have a family and they love and accept me. If you can’t then you’re not part of that. I’m not happy in this body and if you don’t want me to be happy then I’ll just be with the people who do.”

He stopped talking and they were both quiet for a while. Pidge held his mother’s gaze and he wasn’t backing down.

Suddenly his mother’s eyes sprung tears and his expression faltered.

“Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry,” she cried. “I was just so scared that I was going to lose my little girl. I realize now that I’m not losing my child because you’re right here. It’s all so new to me and so frightening and I just wasn’t sure what to do. I just got you back only to lose you? That's not the case, but I just couldn’t understand.” She grabbed one of her son’s hands. “It was no excuse for me to say those horrible things to you and I hope I can make it up to you, sweetie. I may not understand it right now, but I’ll work hard to help you be who you are.”

“I’m sorry that it seemed like I didn’t love you. _I love you so much, Pidge_. Regardless of who you are and what you do, you’re my child. It might be scary, but I’m going to push through that for you. I want you to be happy, baby, I really do.”

Pidge realized he was crying with her.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” his mother sobbed. “You’re my son, okay? I love you so much.”

Pidge stood up quickly and wrapped his mother in a hug. They held each other tightly as they cried together. Finally, his mother had called him her son. She was trying to understand and that was all Pidge could ask for. His entire family accepted him now and it was a dream come true. Pidge had finally gotten it off his chest after all these years and it felt good. He was happy.

Two pairs of strong arms wrapped around Pidge and his mother. His father and his brother were smiling down at them. Matt flashed him a bright smile and his dad ruffled his hair. Together they hugged each other. Pidge, for the first time in a while, was with his whole family. Together, they could begin to heal from the past and help Pidge with his future. Everything was going to be okay. He was happy. They were happy.

He was home.

**Author's Note:**

> bonus - matt is totally flattered that his nickname for his little brother (the name being "Pidge") ended up becoming his real name.
> 
> matt: aww you kept my name for you?
> 
> pidge: oh shut up it's not that big a deal.
> 
> matt, crying: i??? love you???
> 
> \----
> 
> tumblr: cypress-sleeping


End file.
